She was and has always been the nicest person I’ve ever met and I mean it! Often I have pondered how lucky I am, that out of all the mothers in the world.... I got her! The photo above was taken on her birthday less than a month ago. She always smiled and gave that gift to all who crossed her tracks.
I’ve always loved my mother, but we became especially close after my father’s death in 2000. Together we could be silly and understood one another’s unique sence of humor. Also, we shared a huge appreciation for fun and creativity between us. For example, we might be driving to one of her doctors appointments, singing a ridiculous song that we composed about sagging boobs, called Do your Boobs hang Low? Even recently when she was so weak we would traverse up and down the hall (her using a walker) for exercise, speaking expressly Pig Latin and we laughed until we cried.
We’ve been on a special journey, since my mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2003 and because my husband is a kind and good man we moved to Texas to be with my mother four years ago, maybe to the day. It was an honor to assist her as it has turned out to be a special time, a blessing for us all.
A few nights ago, my mom lie dying and we held hands the two of us. She brought me into the world and now I'm escorting her out. I am grateful have been ther with her, and especially that she finally was on some good drugs to relieve her terrible pain. This is the first time I have witnessed someone I love, suffering and it was brutal. I learned that entry into this world and the final exit out, is not always pretty or fun, but really never concidered that before yesterday. Because my father died quickly, I had assumed that my mom would die peacefully in her sleep, Unfortunately I was wrong.
I am surprised by my fortitude to have been her partner on this special journey, however I have been preparing for years, learning about death and dying. Each phase prepared me for the next: like learning how to give my mother 4 shots a day, seeing her using a walker, seeing her not being able to eat, being in so much pain she could not sleep. It all helped me to become more knowledgeable and braver than usuaL
In the hospital, (two nights ago) after the Presidential debates which she watched intently, her pain was managed thankfully and so we sat together on her hospital bed until late into the night, holding hands, having a frank and terrific discussion about life and death, I told her why I loved her and we agreed how fortunate we were to have one another and our last word to each other were "I LOVE YOU". She made sure I understood all of her wishes for after she dies and told me what a great great man my husband is and to be sure to tell him she said so!
At 4:10 am my mother took her last breath and do you know what? She infused her brave spirit into me, because somehow, astonishingly I feel at peace!
Love,
Constance
